I can’t believe that I’m saying that.

This is my favorite headline of the day.

It reads, “Nude on the beach, in the shower, in a pool, on the bed, in an elevator, in bed with the boss.”

That’s right.

This guy has got some pretty serious business on his plate, as the headline says.

You see, I’ve been naked with a bunch of other people and the reactions have been pretty interesting.

They’re always very different from the ones you’re used to.

And for some of them, it’s been a lot more awkward than for me.

This one was a lot less awkward.

The first time I was naked, I was at a party, and a guy came up to me and started rubbing my legs and stuff like that.

I was a little freaked out, so I looked away and asked him, “What are you doing?”

I said, “You’re rubbing my leg.”

He goes, “No, it hurts.”

I said: “What do you mean, it hurt?”

And he goes, “‘Cause it’s your leg.”

I went, “It’s mine.”

He went, “‘Because I got a leg tattoo on it.'”

He went on and on.

He was like, “Look, I got my leg tattoo.

You got your leg tattoo.”

I’m like, [laughs] “What?”

And then he went, ‘Cause I had a little dick on it.’

And I’m still like, ‘Oh.

What?

What?’

And he said, ‘You got a tattoo on your leg.’

“So he started rubbing it and it kind of got really weird.

I had no idea what was going on.

And I said to him, ‘Why are you touching my leg?’

And I went to the bathroom and I was like [expletive deleted].

And then, the next thing you know, I’m standing in the middle of the bathtub, naked, with the tattoo on my leg.

And he’s rubbing it on my ass and it’s not like it’s hurting.

So, I started feeling pretty weird about that.

Then he said to me, ‘What do I do now?’

I said [exclamation mark deleted], ‘I don’t know, but I’m going to put it on.

I’m getting ready to go out with him.

I’ll put it in.’

And he put it right on my butt.

He’s rubbing my ass.

And it was kind of weird because I thought it was going to hurt.

He didn’t touch my butt and I don’t think it did.

I think it’s fine.

So then he got really excited and started getting naked and rubbing it all over my ass, and then he gets really excited again and starts getting naked again.

He starts rubbing it in and out and it really was weird.

Then I think he’s really excited to see how it looks.

And then I go, ‘Hey, can I touch it?’

He’s like, Oh, yeah, you can touch it.

And the next day, I went and got my ass done and I got naked again, and he’s still doing it.

He doesn’t even have to move his legs to touch it anymore.

It’s really hard to get it right.

But I still have that tattoo on there.

It doesn’t bother me at all.

And now, he’s putting it in my vagina.

And his wife is like, I don [excessive profanity deleted] and is like [unintelligible].

But it doesn’t hurt.

So I’m really glad he’s doing that.

But it’s definitely weird.

So now, I have my butt tattoo.

I got it two years ago.

I have no regrets at all about it.

I’ve had a lot of different experiences with different people in the past, and it has been very nice and it makes me feel good.

I don ‘t have any regrets.

I just wish I could have done more for my country and for women and for other people.

And that’s the way I feel.

I still see my mother on the street and I see my sister in school and I feel like, you know what?

I just want to say thank you to all the people who are making me feel better, and thank you for making me want to be more.

And if I could give a shout-out to the first lady of Saudi Arabia, she really helped me out.

And to all women everywhere.

And you deserve everything.

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